Fight Hard… but Fight Right!
Few weeks ago the table turned for Mr And Mrs Frank
Onuoha. Sadly, what started as a simple argument soon got heated and culminated
in physical violence. Dora, the wife had said what, according to her husband,
she should not have said. In response, Chris, the husband slapped his wife.
Enraged, Dora retaliated and a big fight ensued and Chris ended up beating his
wife blue. But for the timely intervention of neighbours, Dora would probably
have been squeezed to death.
Unfortunately, the row marked the beginning of the
end for a relationship that once blossomed as rose. So much was the bickering
and misgivings that after five months of what they called ‘irreconcilable
differences’, Dora finally decided to quit.
That, for the Onuoha was the end of the road for their young marriage.
Is there any union where couples never disagree? The
answer is ‘No!’ In fact; arguments are bound to arise from time to time. Why
then should marital squabbles escalate to such a threatening proportion where
both parties can no longer strike a balance?
“An argument between couples must first be seen for
what it is – a misunderstanding, pure and simple. Something that can be worked
out if both of them really want to” says Tunde Atoba, a clinical psychologist.
According to Atoba, a lot of arguments begin with a
simple misunderstanding over things that are somewhat inconsequential. “Take
for instance the case of a husband who forms the habit of dumping his shirt and
tie on the dining table instead of putting them in the dresser drawer. At
first, the wife might not talk; she may just resort to quietly playing the
dutiful wife by putting it in the appropriate place. After a while however, she
might be tired of playing nanny and draw his attention to this. The man, who
probably has had a bad day at work gets irritated and, instead of apologizing
screams at her in response and storms out if the room. The woman feels
slighted. She rages after him, pouring out the venom on her mind. The edgy
husband is taken aback by her effrontery and like a bomb that has just
exploded, lashes out at her. This, no doubt is an action that is uncalled for,
a row which could have been avoided if either or both of them had exercised
some restraint, caution and patience.”
He went further saying once this sort of thing
starts between a couple, it could go on and on and if not checked, could leave
than so frustrated with each other that the slightest difference of opinion
between than could ignite a fire that both might find difficult to put out,
thus marking the end of the union.
To Be Continued!
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