When You Stoop to Conquer…

Now that you have probably come to terms with the fact that jealousy is a major problem and that it can wreck your relationship, what do you do with it? How do you fight it? How do you conquer it?

1.     Acknowledge it: Don’t shy away from it, don’t excuse it, and don’t pass the bulk either; just acknowledge it. Take it for what it is – a poisonous spit that can rupture a wholesome, healthy and promising relationship, a keg of gunpowder that will, if untamed, explode and severe even the best of friends. See it as your own problem, not another’s, and be resolved to get rid of it.

2.     Ask yourself where it is coming from: When your jealous emotions come out, all you know is that you are feeling that way. Fine. But you need to figure out where this is coming from. You need to discover why it makes you feel jealous. For instance, if you figured out that you get upset when your husband or wife talks with the opposite sex, then you will need to discover why you feel so. Is it that you have had an experience in a previous relationship or do you just have the fear of being betrayed? If so, why does that fear exist? Is your self-esteem a little lower than you thought? There is a huge line of questions to be answered if jealousy must be conquered and put under control. Acknowledging it is the first and important step.

3.     Know why you feel jealous about it: Once you have realized where your jealousy comes from and what causes it, you can then concentrate on keeping it in control and hopefully get rid of it. If the reason has to do with your partner, then it is best to have a serious conversation with him or her about it. Don’t be afraid or feel stupid for feeling the way you feel. You have the right to express yourself and he/she is entitled to know about it. If your spouse really cares about you, then he/she will work on ways to prevent you from experiencing such emotions. Your partner will give necessary support to enhance your confidence and sense of security.

4.     Improve your lifestyle: It is a good idea if you find ways to improve your own self-worth and health so that you can gain more strength and confidence and be ready to fight off jealousy. If however your jealousy stems from a different area such as your competitive nature towards your spouse or others of your sex, then it will be more difficult. For instance, it is very common for women to fell jealous of other women’s physique, success and relationships. The best way to fight this jealousy is to improve your own lifestyle. Do things that boost your confidence. If your own is that you are jealous of your wife’s success, then you should ask yourself, “Who, in the long run, takes the credit for her success?” Is it not you the husband? Are you not her covering? Isn’t she called by your name? Whatever money she gets, is it not to boost the financial status of the family? Won’t she spend a greater percentage of it on your children? Why then should you be in a stumbling block to her progress? If you feel threatened or fear that she may not respect and honour you as desired, give her the benefit of doubt. The secret you fail to accept is that oftentimes, a wife looks up to her husband, regardless of her achievements. She needs covering, she needs protection, in fact, there is a natural feeling of inadequacy until her man injects into her the necessary confidence and assurance.

You may also need to do something to boost your own self-worth. If need be, go for further studies, get a better job, change you orientation and do those healthy things that can help boost your ego as a man. But please, don’t deprive your wife of the opportunity to excel. And you woman, don’t stand on your husband’s way. Whatever he has will naturally flow to you.

By way of conclusion, it is necessary to re-iterate that in partnership, there is no room for jealousy. Whether you sense that the jealousy is your own or your partner’s problem, it has to be addressed for your relationship to grow and flourish. Jealousy has to be exorcised like a ghost in a haunted house. If you don’t, you will build walls between you and your partner, thus strangling the relationship.

Jealousy can wreck a union; so treat it with total honesty. This is not always easy; but when it surfaces, you must first take turns to speak. No matter how hard it is to say or hear what is said, don’t run away. You are each other’s best friend and it’s always important to keep that focus during any discussion, especially one of a very sensitive nature. You should patiently and lovingly talk through it without being judgmental, nor should you shift blame. Remember that creating the relationship of your dream is hard work, but the rewards are continuously abundant.