My Parents Were Very Strict...But I Was Abused For 15years ( Part 3)

In this concluding part of the story of Gloria Kanu's life, she warns that girls should always be on guard and never trust anyone so much as to be loose and and frivolous. she also wants parents to loosen up and get closer to their children, even as she advocates increased sensitization for both boys and girls. Her words:

I feel nobody should be trusted. Nobody should be trusted because when you start trusting somebody too much, you tend to lose your security and your hold of being who you are. My parents trusted people and that costs me a lot. You cannot predict anybody. The bible says the heart of man is desperately wicked, who can search it out. Now as a girl child, you must learn to live on your own. I have observed that some girls like to lean on people, like to hug people and things like that.It might be something that she feels is normal to do but there are people that once you hug them, you send a wrong signal. When you hug them, they feel this girl wants me or this girl likes me or this girl wants something else. As a growing girl, you must learn to have control over yourself; you must learn to control the kind of words that come out of your mouth.  I must start with that. Whenever you create a wrong impression in the heart of somebody, they take advantage of you or look down on you. Another thing is your dressing. Dressing also goes a long way to create a very wrong impression.Yes, a girl/lady might feel very comfortable with what she is wearing but it may be passing a danger signal to the opposite sex. Another thing is visiting the opposite sex alone, maybe at night or going through lonely paths even during the day. It is not safe. All these things are things that we should watch out for and be cautious of. Sometimes, even walking alone with a girl friend is not safe. I once watched a video in which two girls were raped through a lonely path, even in broad day light; they were actually going to school. Ever since then the girls stopped school because the people that raped them actually videoed their faces. These things are things I feel we should be very cautious of and government should please try do something more drastic to these rapists because by the time you set 3, 4 examples with these rapist, I’m sure the rate of raping would reduce drastically.

She also advocates for increased sensitization campaigns on rape and all forms of sexual abuse.

"Sensitization also can go a very long way but now I don’t think it only has to do with the girls only; it also has to do with the guys. The guys should learn to control their emotions and  feeling. I don’t know  the spirit that actually takes over a guy when he sees a girl but it is so bad that the first thing that comes to his mind is should I rape this girl? I just don’t know why they see girls as sex, symbols. Majority of the cases I have seen, I don’t think the girls were at fault."

Some say when a girl dresses wrongly, a guy can rape her. today, even babies are being raped. I don’t think it’s all about the girls now, I think is about the guys and the men too. but l think something should be done; I think the education should go to them more.  Yes, it has to do with girls but the men are actually the problem because a man that is masturbating has high tendencies to rape. When a man starts masturbating, that is going to be a very big problem because of course a man that masturbates wouldn’t want to stop until he has had sex. 

I remember when I went to Abuja last month; I went down stairs to fetch water. I was fetch this water and a guy standing at the juncture saw me and called me and when I looked at this man, he was actually masturbating in the middle of the road. He wasn’t ashamed to do it. Such a person can come out at night, see a girl trying to run errands that night, pick her up, take her somewhere and rape her. If a man could have the guts to do that in broad day light, imagine what would happen at night. Looking at the guy, he is around 25years old. Sometimes l wonder,could there be a spirit behind it? That day, I couldn’t fetch the water again. So, the education should be directed more towards the men and not just ladies.

Lastly, l want to say that parents really needs to loosen up. Understand your child. Find out what they can do and what they cannot do. Find out because I am a very jovial person, and when I get quiet, you should know that something definitely is wrong somewhere. Try as much as you can to understand your child’s mood. When a child that is  always jovial suddenly becomes quiet, you must find out. Try to check their school bags, their purse and so on. I know there is a stage a girl would get to where she needs her privacy as a girl child. But at that very early stage, try checking their school bags or their phones for those that have mobile phone. Check their phones, then find out who their friend are. Know where they are going to, talk to them. 

My parents never talked to me about sex education. Try and talk to your child about sex education. I love it when a man especially, the dad talks to his girl child about a guy. Of course a man is in a better position to educate his girl child. So, tell your daughter, "This is what a guy can do and this is what a guy would not do. This is an attitude he will exhibit that you will know whether he truly loves you or not. But there is a stage where it gets to and you need to tell a girl the dangers of having the opposite sex for a friend. All the would help with time. Talking to them, the girl should also learn to control the kind of friends she keeps; in facts some girls can actually lure a fellow girl into being raped. So, mind the kinds of friends you keep. As a good girl, you would know a good friend by the way they talk, by the way they dress and the kind of attitude they exhibit. A girl child must pick very good friends; stay away from the opposite sex as much as she can. Do not visit an opposite sex when it is late and even if you are going to visit an opposite sex, you mustn’t go alone. You mustn’t take a lonely path alone, even in broad day light; it’s not safe because anything can happen. When you dress, you learn to cover yourself properly and as much you can, if you are entering the bus, try and sit where you have more of females than males because I heard of a case where a rape happened in the bus. I read a story where a rape case happened in the bus, two guys raped a woman in broad day light. They raped the woman and threw her baby off. The baby died actually; it happened here in Nigeria. They threw the baby off and the conductor and one other guy raped the woman in the bus. She was alone with these two guys, here in Lagos. So, things like this happen, they happen every day. There are stories we have not even unraveled. Ladies should learn to take these precautions. If you enter  a keke, and two guys, the driver and another guy are in front and there is another guy at the back. Please do not enter because I know of a friend that was also raped like that. She entered the bus; the other guy at the back was sitting at the other end behind the driver. She sat and the one in front, on the moving keke turned with that speed and blocked her. Then they took her to the bush and she was raped. So, all this things counts. They count a lot. You have to be safety conscious. It is something that we need to use your head, your mind and everything. Another thing is that if possible you can apply for taekwondo classes. It will help, it will really help. It will go a long way. It will help you to stand your ground; you know how to fight a man when it comes to being forceful or being physical. Things like this will really help or go a long way to prevent rape and abuse.