Fight Hard… but Fight Right!

When last did you have  a misunderstanding with your spouse? What was it all about? Would you really say it was worth it? Can you both look back today and laugh over it? Or has it left you broken hearted and disillusioned about the relationship?

Few weeks ago the table turned for Mr And Mrs Frank Onuoha. Sadly, what started as a simple argument soon got heated and culminated in physical violence. Dora, the wife had said what, according to her husband, she should not have said. In response, Chris, the husband slapped his wife. Enraged, Dora retaliated and a big fight ensued and Chris ended up beating his wife blue. But for the timely intervention of neighbours, Dora would probably have been squeezed to death.

Unfortunately, the row marked the beginning of the end for a relationship that once blossomed as rose. So much was the bickering and misgivings that after five months of what they called ‘irreconcilable differences’, Dora finally decided to quit.  That, for the Onuoha was the end of the road for their young marriage.

Is there any union where couples never disagree? The answer is ‘No!’ In fact; arguments are bound to arise from time to time. Why then should marital squabbles escalate to such a threatening proportion where both parties can no longer strike a balance?

“An argument between couples must first be seen for what it is – a misunderstanding, pure and simple. Something that can be worked out if both of them really want to” says Tunde Atoba, a clinical psychologist.

According to Atoba, a lot of arguments begin with a simple misunderstanding over things that are somewhat inconsequential. “Take for instance the case of a husband who forms the habit of dumping his shirt and tie on the dining table instead of putting them in the dresser drawer. At first, the wife might not talk; she may just resort to quietly playing the dutiful wife by putting it in the appropriate place. After a while however, she might be tired of playing nanny and draw his attention to this. The man, who probably has had a bad day at work gets irritated and, instead of apologizing screams at her in response and storms out if the room. The woman feels slighted. She rages after him, pouring out the venom on her mind. The edgy husband is taken aback by her effrontery and like a bomb that has just exploded, lashes out at her. This, no doubt is an action that is uncalled for, a row which could have been avoided if either or both of them had exercised some restraint, caution and patience.”

He went further saying once this sort of thing starts between a couple, it could go on and on and if not checked, could leave than so frustrated with each other that the slightest difference of opinion between than could ignite a fire that both might find difficult to put out, thus marking the end of the union.

To Be Continued!