Fight Hard…but Fight Right -2

Mrs Esther Nwaogwugwu, a sociologist explained that there are different types of quarrels in marriage, some of which are quite creative. According to her, “This type of rows help to attain better relationship and when settled, either of the couple gets a feeling of satisfaction and achievement, knowing that they have accomplished a major milestone in their relationship that will strengthen their bond of love.”

Nwaogwugwu advised couples to be careful when things get bumpy in marriage. “When your relationship gets rough, learn to cast your mind back to those early days when things were rosy. Be very careful so you do not conclude that the union is now dull due to the several heated arguments. Just focus on the details of the misunderstanding on ground and be determined to get it amicably resolved. The storm must always brew; but then, it will always break. And remember that after rain comes sunshine. It may rain cat and dog, but then, it doesn’t last forever. So couples should always remember that whatever may be the cause of agitation between them, it will always blow over.” She further cautioned; “A cool head, not a fired tongue, does the trick.”

Mrs Edith Johnson, a medical practitioner and mother of three agrees with the fact that marital conflict can be so overwhelming as to make a woman ruthless as she gets engulfed in bitterness. But she considers this counter-productive and counsels that relationship rows should not signal the end of a union. “I am a professional. I have all it takes to live comfortably without a man if I choose to call it quit with my husband. The hitches in marriage are many. But I know when to die so that my husband can live, and he knows when to do same, at least for the sake of the family. I think this is what every responsible couple should do. A woman should not always be known for frayed nerves and fiery tongue. She shouldn’t be dumb though; but she should know when to talk and when to be quiet in order to allow peace prevail. She must be focused, she should fight for what belongs to her, but she must know how to fight and win.”

Here are seven proven suggestions on ways through which couples can get along without bickering or breaking up. His words:

·        First of all, take a deep breath. This may sound very simple but it goes a long way in providing some relief. Don’t ever be tempted to snap back if a partner is unbecoming. Research shows that keeping your cool for a few seconds can lead to a more positive response and subsequently a peaceful resolution.

·        Then, be positive. It is not enough to just identify problems. As you identify them, look out for possible solutions. Your partner may not agree with you, but at least, it will register that you are willing to make things work out.

Here is a warning you must take to heart. Getting personal during an argument is a sure terrible way of aggravating matters. Don’t ever make the mistake of making personal accusations. It cuts deep when you accuse a man of being useless in bed while arguing about the children’s school fees. Just stick to the issue at hand and forget about past grievances.

·        Compromise has always been known to be a pancreas to thorny issues, whether marital or otherwise. Sometime, it is just difficult to please everybody and the perfect solution might be out of reach. At such a time, the best bet is to reach a compromise.

·        The real cause of the problem should be dug out. Often times, the causes are quite trivial. Tackle the real issue without fear or unnecessary arguments. Such matter however are best discussed when your partner is calm and receptive, not when he is tired, edgy or depressed.

·        Employ the power of listening. People appreciate those who have listening ear, especially men. So, learn not to interrupt. Allow him talk while you listen calmly. This helps enormously to diffuse tension. When both partners talk at the same time, it heightens tension. The listening method makes it difficult for him to find something that is likely to spark him up.

·        Don’t dig up old grounds, thereby re-opening old wounds. Deal with one row at a time and try to arrive at a conclusion you both can live with.

·        Try as much as possible to see the funny side of it all. A well-timed joke can help to assuage a major storm and help calm even the toughest of situations. Humour is a great analgesic but never make the mistake of wrong timing, else you might have to take to your heels.