Why Many Marriages End In Divorce

When he married his wife 20 years ago, Mr. Tasie managed a thriving business. The wedding was the talk of the town as there was plenty of wining and dining. The couple’s desire was to live happily together forever.

Subsequently, their marriage was blessed with two children – a boy and a girl. One of their children is already a 300 level student in a public university.

All seemed well until many years later. Tasie’s business could no longer take care of the family’s needs. To make the matter worse, he came down with a serious illness and had to spend the little that the family could garner financially on footing his health bills. The situation became unbearable for his family members as his relationship with his wife gradually turned sour.

It got so bad that the 55-year old and his wife recently asked the court to dissolve their union. The court, after much arbitration, granted their prayer based on irreconcilable differences. On the day that the judgment was delivered, Tasie could barely stand in court because of ill health. He had to sit, just as the floor where he put his legs was mopped at intervals because the sore on his feet kept discharging pores.

Even in that state, he told the court how he had cared for his family and the incident that altered the course of his destiny. He said that his wife had made his life miserable by not caring for him when it mattered. He even alleged that his wife infected him with the disease. He rolled on the floor begging the court to let his wife and children go as they desired. He pleaded, “Please let them go or they will kill me before my time.”

His wife on the other hand, told the court that her husband never trusted her enough to listen to anything she told him. She said that he usually sniffed her underpants whenever she came back from the market where she traded. She added that all the profit from her business had gone into taking care of her husband and the family. She said, “Despite all these, he beat me and stripped me naked in public.” She cried to the court to dissolve their union based on this reason and denied infecting him with any disease.

But her husband insisted she had been seeing another man, who purportedly was present in court to witness the divorce. Their 20-year old marriage was subsequently dissolved and both parties parted ways.

The woman was given custody of the children but Tasie could see them once in a month with the court premises. The Tasies had their marriage dissolved after 20 years, but the case of a 28-year-old woman, Mrs. Ekeh, was a sharp contrast.

After all the fanfare that characterized her marriage barely one year ago, she had asked for the dissolution of her marriage. Standing before an Ojo Customary Court in Lagos recently, she said that she wanted a divorce because she had  had frequent disagreements with her husband since they got married. She asked for the dissolution of her one-year-old marriage, citing incompatibility with her husband as reason for the divorce. Ekeh told the court that the marriage had virtually collapsed as they had been technically separated for several months after her bride price was paid.

However considering the duration of the union, the magistrate asked the couple to seek a means of resolving their differences, especially by seeking counsel from elderly members of their extended families. If, however, they insisted on parting ways, the court said it would have no other choice but to honour their request.

Mr. Jide Zaid, a lawyer of over 25 years, versed in handling matrimonial cases chided that cases like that of Tasie and Ekeh families were true reflections of recent rising spate of divorce cases in Nigeria.

Although he said that the development was common with younger married people, there had also been a significant growth in cases involving older couples.

He described it as a global trend, citing harsh economic conditions, social networks, absence of children in marriage and loss of African family values as the usual reasons for divorce.

He said, “When a man, who used to spoil his wife with luxuries suddenly becomes unable to fend for the family, it could become unbearable for his wife and usually, the first casualty is the marriage.

“When a girl introduced a man to the mother in our days, they wouldn’t ask if she loved him; they asked what he did for a living. So when the object of attraction is gone, the centre will no longer hold.”

To him, “Social network has also encouraged promiscuity among married people such that even after leaving your girl or boy friends, you can be in bed with your spouse but still stay in touch with your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend through Facebook, BBM and the likes.

He identified three contentious issues in divorce cases – the actual dissolution of marriage, settlement of property and custody of the children.

He decried the rate at which he received expression of interest in divorce from couples seeking divorce.

Zaid said, “Compared to 10 years ago when I might not get more than one, I am currently handling 10 divorce cases in court. The number would have been more except that we succeed in persuading some to seek alternative ways of resolving their differences, especially when children are involved. “The number of divorce cases is astronomical among people who have been married for just between six months and two years.”

At the Ikeja High Court, we found that 70 per cent of cases listed for hearing everyday were divorce-related. Also, statistics obtained at the Ikeja Customary Court showed that in nine months, Lagos State had recorded about 960 divorce cases in customary courts alone. There are 48 customary courts in Lagos apart from the High Courts.

The president of Ikeja Customary Courts, Mr. Ayo Ipaye, gave the conservative figure as he said that the case files of divorce were on a fast rise. He said, “So far, this year, Ikeja has 39 cases out of which 29 have been cleared.

“I don’t think there is any customary court with a higher figure. The other one in urban local government areas such as Ikoyi, Surulere and Agege have over 20, while those in the rural areas would have about 10.”